The Rich Life: Dating Jeanell (the college years)

For those who have been reading, I've already written about my early memories of Jeanell, about dating Jeanell when we were in high school, and about marrying Jeanell. Today I wanted to tie up that story.

After attending Prom together our junior year, Jeanell and I didn't talk to each other for a very long time. I guess we fell into that phase where we didn't (or at least claimed not to) like each other at all. I remember passing Jeanell in the hallway at the high school once at the beginning of our senior year, and it was just the two of us in the hallway. I jokingly leapt to one side of the hall to indicate I was trying to stay as far from her as I could. Seems like she laughed (but probably rolled her eyes after I had passed by).

Another memory I have was just before I headed off to college. Utah State was still on quarters my first year and so began quite a while after BYU and Utah. Since I was still in town, I would go to the high school football games and since most of my friends were gone, I would sit in the student section and would sometimes really get into the games. I remember Brad and Jeanell being at a game and looking over at me and calling me a Super Senior (which I deserved).

I went away to college for the year, then came home and left on my mission. Jeanell did attend my farewell, but I don't remember seeing her or knowing she was there. We definitely didn't speak.

While I was on my mission, we had a friend newsletter that our friend Ashley Sandberg put together. That's where I learned that Jeanell was going to have twins. I remember my mom sometimes randomly mentioning Jeanell in her letters to me, about how she danced in the Old Folks Sociable program mere days after giving birth to those twins, and about how much my brother Scott enjoyed working with her at the store (Jeanell has told me the story of her working in guest services one night and a customer coming over and wanting to speak to the manager so Jeanell paged Scott, who would have been eighteen at the time, who was night managing. Scott is not who the customer was expecting).

When I returned home in early July of 1998, my friends who were around were preparing for the annual 24th of July Program that we would put on. I had already been slotted in to participate and it was at one of those practices that I spoke to Jeanell for the first time in over four years (I don't count her calling me a Super Senior as really speaking). I told her about my discovery the night before I came home from Mexico about how Cam's wife had Dear Johned an Elder from my mission (as I have covered elsewhere). It was a five-minute conversation and we wouldn't really speak again for another year.

During spring break of 1999, my buddy Aaron and I were out in Grantsville and went to visit our friend Andrea Elorriaga. Andrea was working at Soelberg's at the time and during our visit, she happened to mention that Brad and Jeanell had separated and were likely going to get divorced. I think I managed to say, "That's too bad," but that is definitely not what I felt. I had a feeling of hope and excitement that I quite honestly felt guilty about.

I don’t know if the Sociable was before or after this conversation, but we did run into each other at the Sociable. Jeanell had provided our Prom picture for one of the displays and we spoke briefly about that.

Later that spring, I was invited to join the Ivy Garden's production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat directed by Matt Price. I hadn't auditioned to be in the show but my buddy George was doing it and Josh Fawson had become too busy so I was recruited to fill in for Josh (Let it be known that I am nowhere near the actor and singer that Josh is). Brad's younger siblings, Dustin and Rachel, were also in the production and Brad and Jeanell (who were back together and trying to work things out) came to one of the shows with their son Devin. I don't think we really spoke that night either, though it did seem like I helped to serve dinner to their table. Less than a year later, we would be married.

I need to backup a bit and disclose that I had been dating a girl named Kellie Winward that spring. She was my neighbor at the Pineview Apartments in Logan and we had dated most of the first half of 1999. She had come out and gone to the Old Folks' Sociable with me and I had stayed at her family's home in Preston. At some point over the summer, our relationship seemed off or my feelings had cooled somewhat and we decided we wouldn't see each other anymore that summer and then when we got back to Logan we would decide where things were going.

As it happened, sometime over that summer, a group of our high school friends got together for a dutch oven up South Willow canyon. I remember I rode up with my friend John. Jeanell was there as well. She and Brad had split up again and she had rode up with our friend Ashley. That night, we talked a bit for the first time in over five years and I was probably a bit flirtatious. Jeanell mentioned that she still had the video of our Prom and me, trying to discreetly setup a future meeting, said that we should get together and watch it. Jeanell didn't take the bait. "Well, sometimes I go to Logan," was her reply (her brother Cam was attending USU and he and Natalie were living up there). I was hoping for something sooner than that.

The get-together ended and we went our separate ways, but I started to try to find ways to inadvertently bump into Jeanell. I heard that she and Ashley and others sometimes went to walk on the track at the high school at night so I started to go down there. One night I was there walking hoping she would show up and finally she did. She saw me and asked if I'd seen Ashley and I replied that I had not. She said, "well if you see her, tell her I was here," and turned to leave. I took a shot. "You can walk with me if you want." I think she was a bit hesitant, but ultimately she came back to the track and we started walking. Ashley showed up a few minutes later and the three of us walked for a while.

That was the only other time we saw each other that summer though. I think at one point Jeanell called my house to let me know of something else our friends were planning, but I was out of town (for an LDSSA retreat, which for whatever reason I don’t remember at all) when she called.

On August 21, I was getting ready to move back to Logan. Classes were set to begin the following Wednesday. Sometime that morning or early afternoon, I got up my gumption and called Jeanell (I don't know if I called her parents' house or if I somehow got her number at the townhome where she was living in Tooele). I don't remember everything about that conversation, but I know I said, "I don't know exactly what your situation is, but I have to tell you that I'm crazy about you." I think she was somewhat taken aback, but she confirmed that she was getting divorced and that she would have some interest in dating and seeing where things went. She was planning to go to Lagoon that evening with some of our friends and wanted me to join, but it just wasn't going to work for me. At some point, she told me, "now don't go up there and meet someone." She later apologized and said she was out of line for saying that, but I didn't mind. I didn't plan on it.

But I guess technically I still had a girlfriend that I needed to end things with. And that happened that same night, when I got to Logan. Kellie was already there and I asked her if she wanted to go for a walk and I told her that I was sorry, but I didn't see our relationship moving forward. Look, I know that those two events probably should have happened in reverse order. But it was just how it worked out. We didn't all have cell phones and text messaging in 1999. I had already determined that things weren't going to work out with Kellie and me, but was waiting to have the conversation until we got back to Logan, as we'd already planned.

I wasn't sure when I'd see Jeanell again at that point. Her divorce papers had been filed, but hadn't yet been signed by the judge (or whatever it is that has to happen) so I was trying to be careful about that. But she surprised me and showed up at my apartment the following Thursday. We just kind of hung out I guess. She met my roommates (after she left to go back home, I still remember one of my roommates turning to me and mouthing "freaking hot!") and at one point I gave her a piggy-back ride (which Jeanell said I was awkward about...the divorce wasn't final!).

So we were seeing each other, but at least when we were back home, were still trying to be pretty discreet about it. One weekend, Jeanell had some friends over to her townhome after Grantsville played Tooele in football. We played Disney Scene-It and everyone sat cross-legged in a circle on the floor (we were young and could still sit cross-legged). Jeanell and I slyly sat down next to each other and casually allowed our knees to touch. Later, we attended our friend Shelly Larson's wedding to Kyle Matthews but still weren't public. Jeanell ended up catching the bouquet, but alas, I did not catch the garter. Of all people, it was Dave (who had also dated Jeanell) who caught it. Another memory I have is going to see Notting Hill at the Cinema 6 in Tooele and taking Ashley (who I guess was in on our secret) with us. I sat the row behind them but sneakily reached my hand between the seats and held Jeanell's hand.

With me being in Logan, our relationship consisted of a lot of driving and a lot of phone calls. I would go home to Grantsville most weekends and Jeanell would come up to visit me once most weeks. Everyone who met Jeanell loved her (some a little too much). On one occasion, we went over to visit George and Jim at their apartment and while there, I ended up helping (or trying to help) Jim with some math. Another friend of theirs showed up (coincidentally named Brad). We joked that it was Jeanell who was actually tutoring Jim and Brad says, "Hey, I want to be tutored." Yeah, slow your roll, Brad.

When I say that everyone loved Jeanell, I should qualify that everyone loved her except Kellie. One night when we were up there, Jeanell and I walked through the kitchen of our apartment to leave and Kellie happened to be there talking to my roommates. After we shut the door, Jeanell stopped and put her ear to the door and heard Kellie complaining about the fact that Jeanell hadn't introduced herself (first of all, that would be on me, not Jeanell, but whatever). When we returned, I made a point of introducing Jeanell. What now, Kellie?

Sometime in September, the divorce was final, and Jeanell and I were a bit more public about our relationship. I still remember going to the white church to play basketball one weekend and Brad showing up and that being a little awkward for me. We ended up on the same team and seemed to make a point of passing to each other ("see, we're cool").

Also in September, I first met Devin and Tyler and Brayden. I remember we were up at their townhome and playing football on the floor of the front room. So grateful for those boys, who always accepted me, loved me, and forgave me when needed.

When Jeanell first told me she loved me, I didn't immediately say it back (I know). I said something about wanting to be certain and not wanting to say it before I was sure. As I look back on it, I definitely already loved her. And I knew I loved her. I was just trying to be dramatic.

Just a few memories from that fall. I remember the first time I went to have dinner with the Jefferies family after we started dating again and Jeanell's brother Ryan saying, "Welcome back to the family." I remember Jeanell calling me and telling me the boys were sick and me driving down from Logan unannounced to help her out. I remember being at Jeanell's house and her falling down the stairs while holding Brayden (thankfully neither was seriously hurt). I remember meeting one night in Bountiful just to be together for a little bit. I remember playing Speed at my apartment in Logan. One night, we went to a pizza buffet in Logan that was $5, but I didn't have $5 so Jeanell paid (and she still reminds me of it). We went to a BYU basketball game with my family. We went and rode the Polar Express and stayed in Heber with Jeanell's family.

I remember planning a double-date with Scott and the girl he was seeing at the time to go to Lagoon and then stay at my Grandma Nalder's in Layton. I was driving down from Logan and Jeanell, Scott, and Emily were driving out from Tooele County. For various reasons, the Tooele County group was delayed and they ended up arriving at Lagoon an hour after we were supposed to meet.

(It's so weird to think of these times before everyone had a cell phone and was pretty much reachable all the time. There was pretty much nothing for me to do but wait and hope they eventually showed up. I also think about all the time we spent on the phone. It wasn't like I had my own cell phone. I had a landline that I shared with five other roommates).

One night Jeanell had come to Logan to visit me and convinced me to miss my classes the next day and go back to Grantsville with her. On our way home, her car broke down in Sardine Canyon and we had to walk to Sherwood Hills where we called my brother Scott (who was now also at Utah State). He and Ryan McBride brought me my car and Jeanell and I took that back to Grantsville. The next day, Dave, Jeanell’s brother Aaron and I drove back up to get Jeanell’s car and tow it home. I’m sure she could have handled things fine on her own, but glad I was with her when her car broke down. (I’m again curious about how I even got ahold of Scott. Sherwood Hills let us use their phone but did I have Scott’s apartment phone number memorized?)

Music was again a major part of our relationship. Some of the songs that I associate with this era of our relationship are "No Matter What" (the Boyzone cover of an Andrew Lloyd Webber song from Whistle Down the Wind, or as Tyler and Brayden called it "Attack"), "Let Me Go" by Cake, "It's Your Love" by Tim McGraw (I remember dancing with Jeanell in her kitchen to this song), and what would become "our song" for this go-'round, "Have You Ever Been in Love?" by Peter Cetera.

One of my favorite memories was going to Utah State's homecoming that fall. George was going with our friend Shelly Anderson (now Neilson). Jim and other of their friends were going as a group and they were gracious enough to let Jeanell and I go with them. I believe we went to Copper Mill in Logan to eat dinner. Two things I remember. One is me cutting the meat on my plate into probably 2" squares and Shelly looking over at my plate and saying, "Wait, are those bites?!". My other memory was Jim flipping Shelly off at some point (in more of a joking way) and Jeanell telling Shelly to tell Jim "Behind every bird is a pile of sh--". Shelly demurred on passing that message to Jim (since she and her husband have since served as mission presidents, that's probably for the best). Later that night, we went to the A on Old Main Hill and kissed to become True Aggies.

I don't want to paint the picture that everything was perfect. There were mistakes and misunderstandings, fights and temporary break-ups. My parents and grandparents were concerned about me marrying someone with kids. (Incidentally, I don't ever remember being concerned about that. Maybe it was because we had dated before and already had a history, but becoming an immediate second dad to the boys was never a concern that I had). Jeanell understandably sometimes felt that she needed to date a few other people before she committed to me. One weekend we had a fight and Jeanell ended up going on a blind date. I was pretty upset when I learned she had gone and left her a note to call me when she got home, no matter how late. She didn't call (again, she couldn't just call me, she would have had to call my parents' home phone which she wasn't going to do). But she did call the next day and told me that that date had made her realize definitively that she loved me and that I was who she wanted to be with.

Thankfully, twenty-five years later, that's still true.