The Missing Monologue

For those of you that don't know, I recently performed a song-and-dance (mostly just song) number in Grantsville's Old Folks Sociable. Because I live a ways away, I didn't practice with the group until the night before. Consequently, I didn't know exactly what the format would be so I prepared a little monologue of sorts in case I had the opportunity to talk for a minute to introduce my number. (I probably spent more time thinking about my monologue than I did practicing the number itself, which probably showed). At any rate, those that attended know that the format didn't really lend itself to a monologue so I didn't do it. But I thought I'd share it here. If you don't like it or think it's very funny, that's fine. Keep in mind that some of my best "jokes" (my sister McKell likes to put the word "jokes" in quotation marks when talking about my attempts at humor) were censored by my editor.

Without further ado...

"So when Mrs. Baird (she was my first-grade teacher, she will always be 'Mrs. Baird') called and asked me to perform in the sociable, she said that 'someone' on her committee (she had conveniently forgotten who exactly) thought I'd be perfect for it. I immediately thought that either (a) my mom was on the committee or (b) someone was playing a cruel joke. It wasn't until I talked to my mom last night that I learned it was actually (c), all of the above. (laughter)

"So they asked me to do 'Singin' in the Rain', which was made famous by Gene Kelly, who was one of the great singers and dancers of all time. Interesting that they picked someone who can neither sing nor dance. (mild laughter)

"You'll also notice that I have a beard. It's a little-known fact that Mr. Kelly was originally going to do 'Singin' in the Rain" with a beard...but just before filming began he was put in the Elders' Quorum Presidency and the Stake President asked him to shave. (mild laughter)

"So yeah, I'm really not much of a singer. Vocally, I'm more of a Tom Tripp than a Tom Stam. (uproarious laughter)

"And choreographically, I'm really no Annie Millward or Alexis Watson. I apologize for using their maiden names but I don't know their married names. To be honest, that's how I prefer to think of them anyway...single. (booing and hissing)

"Thanks, you've been great.

"I'm singin' in the rain, just singin' in the rain..."