Dick and Kathy

A week ago yesterday, on August 17, marked the 51st anniversary of my mom and dad's marriage in the Salt Lake Temple.

My parents first encountered each other late in the summer of 1972. My mom had just moved down to Provo to begin her senior year at BYU and had moved into the same student ward that my dad was in. That first Sunday, she attended church and the Sunday School class my dad was teaching. She was immediately impressed, both by his handsomeness and by his knowledge of the gospel.

My dad had taken note of my mom at that same church meeting. At one point, he nudged his brother Paul, who was visiting, and gestured toward my mom, who was wearing what she would describe as a very "Molly Mormon" dress, and said "I want to marry someone like that."

On the way home after church, my mom asked her roommate if my dad was dating anyone. The roommate said that he wasn’t as far as she knew. My mom said “I think I’ll date him.” (Apparently my dad would have no choice in the matter).

But, as is often the case, life had slightly different plans.

Later that day, my dad and his friend Mike showed up at my mom’s apartment to visit. But after they left and returned home, it was Mike who called and asked my mom out.

So over the next few months, Mom dated Mike and Dad dated one of my mom’s roommates, Elaine, often double-dating. (When my mom and dad eventually did become engaged (spoiler alert!), they had each met each other's parents only one time, and both of those meetings occurred during this time period when they were both dating someone else).

It was during these months that my mom became more familiar with my dad's unique and often silly sense of humor. (In his lone meeting with my grandma and grandpa Nalder, which was dinner at their home in Layton, he of course said "If I was a leopard, I'd say that hit the right spot." Unsure if he said "pardon the growth" as he shook Grandpa's hand).

But both of those relationships eventually fizzled out, Dad's with Elaine first and then a bit later, Mom's with Mike. (Mike would go onto marry my mom’s friend Susan, who was the organist when my mom was the chorister in that student ward).

Not too long after that, my dad told my mom he wanted to date her, but since his relationship with Elaine had ended, he had begun dating another friend of my mom's in the ward, Jeanne, and Jeanne really like my dad. My mom was ready with a three-point rebuttal, 1) I’m not interested, 2) my friend who you’re dating is interested, and 3) I’m interested in someone else. (My mom had previously been pretty serious with David, who was away serving in the National Guard, and she was somewhat waiting for his return to see where that would go).

One reason Mom said she wasn't interested was that in the months when they had double-dated, she'd decided she didn’t like his humor. She just found his humor to be silly.

But my dad wouldn’t be put off so easily. He continued to ask. And ask. And ask.

(In college, my friend George and I developed what we called persistence theory, where we'd see guys ask girls out, the girl reject him or not be interested, but the guy just continue to ask, and ask, and ask, and eventually the girl would relent and then they'd get married. I had never really considered that persistence theory had played a role in my own marriage, but looking back on it, I guess marrying your high school girlfriend after she had married someone else and had three kids was pretty persistent).

Eventually he asked if she would just ride to Salt Lake with him to return a tuxedo. It wasn't a date. It was an errand. My mom relented.

Once the tuxedo was returned, Dad suggested getting something to eat (cleverly turning the errand into a date). But Mom was onto him and said she wasn't hungry. My dad insisted and they did stop to eat. My dad ordered a full meal, but my mom, adamant that this was not a date, only ordered jell-o, and she doesn't even like jell-o.

Whether it was date or not, it seemed to break the ice a bit. My dad would just go over to my mom's apartment and hang out. They want to a Stars game (I remember my dad talking about seeing Ron Boone and Zelmo Beaty play). They visited my mom’s grandma in Bountiful.

My dad went on a trip to California with his mom, and talked about my mom the whole drive there and back. Sometime during the trip, he had contracted food poisoning. He called my mom and asked her to go for a walk, but that they couldn’t venture too far from her apartment.

In late February or early March, David returned from serving in the National Guard. He told my mom that he had heard she’d been dating someone and asked if it was serious. My mom said “well I’m not going to marry him.”

But not long afterward, on a late-night walk, my dad asked my mom to marry him, “out of the blue.” (Mom's words). She was taken completely by surprise and replied that she would have to think about it (after all she had just told David that she wasn’t going to marry him).

She remembers returning home and waking her roommates and telling them that my dad had proposed. When they asked her what she'd said or what she was going to do, she said "I don't know." Later that night, she prayed about it and received a very strong confirmation that she was supposed to. (Mom says that the memory of that confirmation helped her through some difficult times in their life together).

Dad followed up a few days later, Mom said that yes, she would marry him.

At the suggestion of a member of the student-ward bishopric, who was a good friend of my dad's, they went to visit my mom's parents so my dad could ask her dad for her hand in marriage. My dad's friend had assured him it would be one of the great experiences of his life.

They arrived at the home in Layton, and after some initial small-talk, Dad said to Grandpa, "I'd like to ask you for your daughter's hand in marriage." Grandpa looked at him without saying a word, then turned and walked out of the room. Grandma, trying to salvage the situation, attempted to congratulate the couple, but mistakenly said, "we're just so happy for you, David." My grandpa eventually returned to the room, but never really acknowledged or responded to what my dad had said to him.

Needless to say, it was not one of the great experiences of Dad's life.

The engagement occurred in March. They planned for an August wedding but Mom first had a trip she had previously planned to participate in the Hill Cumorah Pageant. Dad didn’t want her to go, but Mom insisted and while she missed my dad terribly, she was glad she had that experience. It was on that trip that she first met my dad’s oldest brother Dale. She also attended a devotional in the Sacred Grove, where the Prophet Harold B. Lee presided, which was a spiritual experience she would always remember.

They were married August 17, 1973 in the Salt Lake Temple and had a reception that night at the church building my mom’s family attended in Layton. Jeanne (the last girl Dad had dated before he started dating Mom) made my mom’s wedding dress. A terrible lightning storm that night knocked the power out for 20 minutes or so. There were candles on all of the tables but per church policy they were unlit. But while the power was out someone went around and lit the candles at all the tables.

Their honeymoon was an epic road trip in my dad’s blue Ford Pinto, first to Butte, Montana (where they didn’t arrange a room beforehand and ended up spending the night in a pretty sleazy room, with someone knocking on the door with a stick late in the night), then onto Couer d’Alene, Idaho (where they again didn’t have a room and slept that night in the back of the Pinto, where they froze), then to Seattle, down the Oregon coast, and finally to my Uncle Dale’s home in Sunnyvale where they stayed a few days before returning home. (Dale and his family had attended Mom and Dad's wedding and were still visiting family in Utah).

And so began their life together, a life of triumphs and trials, of heartache and joy.