The Cougars

A tough day to write this post, after last night's heartbreaking loss to end the undefeated football season, but that's how life, and sports, sometimes go.

I've been a BYU fan for as long as I can remember. Both of my paternal grandparents attended BYU, which is where they met. Neither graduated from BYU, but obviously it played a large role in how the rest of their lives would play out. Most of their ten children would graduate from or at least attend BYU. Both of my parents are BYU graduates, which is also where they met. It seems reasonable to say, that without BYU, I would not be here, as in anywhere.

My earliest BYU-related memory is my first trip to California and Disneyland. While I didn't go to the game, the main purpose of the trip was for my parents to attend the 1984 Holiday Bowl, which BYU won to win the National Championship.

I'm not sure what season it was, but I have a memory of being over at my buddy Dave's house and watching a game and every time BYU scored a touchdown we'd go running through the house hollering. Dave's Uncle Bjorn was doing some work in the dining room (and listening to the game) and would get a big grin on his face every time we'd run through.

A less-fun memory was our deacons' quorum advisor, Jerry Lees, inviting us over to watch the BYU-Utah game in 1988. As I recall, BYU was somewhat expected to win, but Scott Mitchell and the Utes blew them out that year. Never fun to be watching in a group as your team gets destroyed.

I don't remember what year it was or what game we went to, but I remember one year for my birthday party I asked a bunch a friends to bring $10 to help pay for a ticket rather than getting me a gift and we all went down and my dad bought tickets from scalpers so we could all go to the game.

We had the book, "And They Came to Pass" by Lee Benson that I read multiple times. It covered the careers of Gary Sheide, Gifford Nelson, Marc Wilson, Jim McMahon, Steve Young, and Robbie Bosco. Later, my family obtained a VHS entitled "The Passing Years." I don't remember that as well and it has since been misplaced. If anyone has a copy or knows how to obtain one, I know a couple of my brothers would pay more than you'd think to get a copy.

Probably my next big memory was BYU beating Number One ranked Miami in the first game of the 1990 season. I remember the whole family being so excited and piling into whatever vehicle we had at the time and driving up and down the street honking and then going somewhere to get some ice cream. I had recorded the game onto a VHS and on Monday I took the tape to school and asked Mr. Rockwell if we could watch it during class, which he allowed.

That season didn't end up as fun as it began. BYU was upset by Oregon a few weeks later, and then at the end of the season, on the day Detmer won the Heisman, they were destroyed by Hawaii. My dad got my brother Scott and I tickets to go to the Holiday Bowl. We went with Sunnie Titmus and his brother-in-law Steve Howard. I remember the trip being fun, but BYU lost the game against Texas A&M by some ridiculous score, like 63-14. As I recall, Detmer separated both of his shoulders in that game. That was less fun.

I was also a BYU basketball fan, but really the only memory I have of basketball was the team that featured Michael Smith (now a TV analyst for the Jazz), Marty Haws, and Jeff Chapman and coached by LaDell Anderson. That team won their first 17 games and was ranked number 3 in the AP poll, but again, the rest of the season didn't go as well as one would have hoped.

I was on my mission during the 1996 season when BYU finished 14-1 and beat Kansas State in the Cotton Bowl, but was able to watch the BYU-Utah game from Mexico.

As I've gotten older, I haven't been as intense of a fan as I was in my youth. I still follow the games, but I don't necessarily watch every game. Jeanell cheers for the Utes and Devin and Kareena both graduated from the U so at times I am left as the only BYU fan at games we'll go to together. But periodically attending BYU games with family has continued to be a part of my life.

At times, my role as the only BYU fan in my immediate family has generated some sympathy. One year, Carol (Jeanell's mom) bought me a bunch of BYU gear because she felt bad that I was always cheering by myself and always wearing the same BYU shirt. Another year, I had an expected package at the door, and Jeff and Krista Hutchins had left me some socks and other BYU items.

In December 2015, Jeanell and I, our three older boys, Collin, my parents, and some of my brothers piled into a 15-passenger van and went to the Vegas Bowl where Utah played BYU. Driving for that long in a 15-passenger van was not ideal, but the game was fun (even though BYU lost).

The following September, my parents and most of by brothers drove down to Phoenix to watch BYU's season-opener against Arizona. BYU won that game, which made the drive home much more enjoyable than it otherwise would have been.

The next September, Jeanell and our boys went to the BYU-Utah game at Lavell Edwards Stadium. I believe I was the only one cheering for BYU by that point. BYU lost, but we had a good time.

In November 2018, my brothers and I went to visit my parents, who were serving a mission in Connecticut. During the trip, we went and watched BYU beat UMass at Gillette Stadium.

The following September, I made a trip out to Tennessee to see my good buddy Aaron and we drove up to watch BYU beat Tennessee.

In September of 2021, just days after my dad passed away, my mom, my brothers, and others drove to Vegas to watch BYU beat Arizona, again. The following week, Jeanell, Devin, Kareena, and I went to the BYU-Utah game at Lavell Edwards Stadium, where BYU ended the Utes several-game win-streak against us.

In October of 2023, Scott, Brent, my mom, and I traveled to Texas and stayed with my brother Kevin to go to the BYU-Texas game. That game didn't go too well for the Cougars, but we had a good time.

And then just last week, Jeanell and I were able to go to the BYU-Utah game at Rice Eccles and watch BYU snatch victory from the jaws of defeat in the final seconds.

So while I'm not as passionate of a fan as I once was, and don't follow the program like some of my brothers do, it continues to be a part of my life, and has generated many memories, both pleasant and painful.

Go Cougars!

 

Politics

I used to be more vocal about politics, but decided a while ago that I didn't feel political arguing or posturing, particularly on social media, was very effective...or healthy. Unfortunately, the in-person conversations where these difficult and controversial topics are best discussed, seem harder and harder to come by. And so we're left with a political discourse consisting of memes and a goal of dunking on the other side, rather than a goal of genuinely trying to understand another person's point of view.

Consequently, I have been hesitant to broach this topic. In fact, I still have twenty-five draft posts that I could have taken on today, but I belatedly opted to add this one. (I originally set the goal to write once a week for the duration of 2024, but I think I will at least try to cover the draft posts I have already laid out, but perhaps at a slower schedule after the first of the year). But I decided I wanted to express some feelings on the topic and lay out in general what my politics are. (My goal is definitively not to argue politics, particularly over Facebook or as comments on my blog. If we have occasion to speak in person and there's a conversation you want to have, I may be open to it).

I feel that my politics are largely out of step with the majority of the community I live in. I have never (and never will, shouldn't have any more opportunity) voted for Donald Trump. Even before his entrance into politics, his was a persona I had no appetite for. I think I watched The Apprentice once or twice, but couldn't even tolerate him there. While never a Trump guy, my biggest hang-up by far at this point is his refusal to concede and accept the results of the 2020 election and participate in the peaceful transfer of power. I feel that stance and the resulting decline in trust in our elections did a lot of damage to our democracy. If everyone who loses an election immediately turns to attacking the integrity of the election, I don't see how our democracy can function. I guess we're just lucky the Democrats forgot to steal the 2024 election or who knows where we'd be?

I'm not really all in on the progressive agenda though, either. I don't like the emphasis on so-called identity-based politics and the desire to constantly be finding discrimination, even where none exists. I don't really agree with the idea that what we need discrimination now to undo the discrimination of the past. I don't find a politics where everyone focuses on their victimhood and what isn't fair for them rather than their potential and what they can accomplish to be very helpful.

I think we need secure borders, but also think that immigration has been a boon for the United States and is part of what has made our nation what it is today. I think that legal immigration should be expanded and we should make efforts to attract capable people to come here, to start businesses, and contribute to our communities. I think we should also try to keep families intact to the extent that we can. I realize that implementing these policies is not simple.

I'm concerned about Trump's tariff proposal and am concerned about the effect that would have on our economy (if those tariffs are in fact enacted). I also think that attempting to deport millions of people from our country would have more negative effects than positive.

I think the problem with housing affordability is a supply problem and that the best way to combat it is to reduce the burden and expense of building new housing. At the local level, I think that means allowing for different types of housing to be built and recognizing that only allowing for 4,000 sq ft homes on 1 acre lots is not going to help housing affordability. I also don't agree with the Democratic proposal of $20,000 or whatever for first-time buyers or whatever, as I think that impacts the demand-side rather than the supply-side and will only drive prices up further.

I am very much pro-Israel and that is an area where the progressive movement has lost me completely. I'm not an expert on the Middle East and for sure do not claim that Israel is infallible, but I don't understand how a country can be expected to live in peace side-by-side with terrorists whose organizations' stated goals are to annihilate Jews and eradicate Israel.

I'm also pro-Ukraine and think it's important for the US and EU to support that nation's sovereignty.

I am a fan of Governor Cox and Senator Romney (again, unlike many I live among). Just putting it out there. One of the the counterfactuals I like to think about is if Romney had won in 2012. Would Matt Ryan have just been elected to his second term? How different would the country and the world be?

One of the things that drives me crazy with politics is the double-standards. Bill Clinton was a bad person for his extra-marital affairs, but Donald Trump is not (and vice-versa). Something I find particularly amusing is the accomplishments of the Trump and Biden administrations that neither side wants to acknowledge. Under President Trump, Operation Warp Speed which produced safe and effective vaccines against Covid-19 in record time was a huge success. But Democrats don't want to give Trump credit for that and Republicans don't really want to talk about it either.

On the flip side, US oil production has reached record levels under President Biden. But again, neither Republicans nor Democrats want to acknowledge that fact.

But after all that exposition, I guess my main wish is that we'd all let politics mean a little (or a lot) less in our lives. Which party sits in the White House does not have nearly the effect on our day-to-day lives that I think we sometimes allow ourselves to believe. I'm almost 48 and have lived roughly half my life under a Democratic president and half my life under a Republican president. As I reflect back on my life, and the highs and lows, the good times and bad, who was in the White House at the time had zero effect on the quality of my life.

I've made no secret about the fact that although I grew up in a very religious family and was very religious myself, I have since become an atheist. I plan to get more into that journey at some point, but something that I wanted to highlight here is that my decision to separate myself from my previous faith has had no impact on my relationships with friends and family who have known me in both instances. I feel the same love and support that I felt while part of the Church that I do now. I believe that's a credit to the people in my life. But just like I believe that religion shouldn't be something that damages or severs a relationship, I also believe that politics shouldn't either.

One other thing on the topic is that I believe that this life is all there is. And with that belief there is nothing more important to me than the relationships I have with friends and family. We're all here for a short time, so let's focus on being kind above all else. Give others the benefit of the doubt, assume good faith, try to understand a different point of view (whether or not you agree with it). We'll all be better for it.

Grateful to live in the greatest country in the history of the world or for the freedoms and quality of life I enjoy. I hope we will all work together to continue to improve and strengthen as we move forward.

I love you all.

 

Kareena

I first met Kareena in May of 2013. Jeanell and I still lived in Elwood at the time, but were in Grantsville for Devin's graduation. As we were taking pictures afterward, Devin suddenly asked Jeanell if she could take take his picture with this girl who had suddenly materialized beside him. That was the first time we met. It's that strange phenomenon where I can hardly believe that was more than 11 years ago, but at the same time, it feels that Kareena has always been a part of our family.

Kareena fits right in in that she has the same perfectionism and "go big or go home" mentality that Jeanell and Carol have. Her home is always beautifully decorated, she entertains often and always prepares a beautiful spread when she does, and her makeup is always perfect. I love that she throws herself into being a part of our family and is always willing to help prepare for and take part in family events. As just a couple of examples, she did a makeup tutorial for the Soelberg Sisters (Carol and her sisters) and she learned how to make Grandma (Barbara) Jefferies potato salad and makes it as well as anyone.

Kareena is driven and works hard to be successful. She graduated from the U in accounting, then earned a Masters of Accounting from SUU (while working), and is now a CPA. Besides being driven and successful herself, I love that she challenges Devin and pushes him to be the best version of himself as well. (Devin also graduated from the U in accounting and earned a Masters of Accounting from SUU).

I've never been much of a handyman, but Kareena's dad (Ray) is and with Kareena's encouragement and Ray's guidance, Devin has been able to complete projects that I would never take on.

Kareena is tough and will speak up when she doesn't feel a business is handling a situation correctly. On one occasion we were planning to eat at Olive Garden before going to a play. We had called ahead and been told that we could get right in, but when we got there, they told us there was a wait. Kareena went after them and told them that was unacceptable and that we were going to go somewhere else (which we did). But my favorite part of the story is getting a text saying that our table was ready before we even got out to the car to go somewhere else. We still left.

On our recent trip to Cabo, there was one restaurant at the resort that we hadn't yet been to yet, but wanted to (the steak house Toro). We went to get on the list a couple of hours before it was supposed to close but they told us we wouldn't be able to get in before they closed. It was the last chance we'd have to eat there so Kareena went and (nicely) talked to the resort management and a half hour later we were seated at Toro.

I love that Kareena is always game and up for anything. She's been on a road trip to Phoenix with us to the Fiesta Bowl, attends and is passionate about musical theater the way we are. She'll participate in family karaoke. Last year, we were doing karaoke on my birthday and I told Jeanell and each of the kids they needed to pick a song to sing with me (that was my birthday wish). Kareena could have easily just said "pass" but she not only participated, she picked a great song (Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas Is You", which she knows I'm a fan of).

Most of all, I love how Kareena loves and takes care of her little family. She's supportive of Devin and encourages him in all that he does. And she's a loving and attentive fur mama to their little Bella.

Grateful to Devin for bringing Kareena into my life. I love you Kareena.

 

Dating Jeanell (the college years)

For those who have been reading, I've already written about my early memories of Jeanell, about dating Jeanell when we were in high school, and about marrying Jeanell. Today I wanted to tie up that story.

After attending Prom together our junior year, Jeanell and I didn't talk to each other for a very long time. I guess we fell into that phase where we didn't (or at least claimed not to) like each other at all. I remember passing Jeanell in the hallway at the high school once at the beginning of our senior year, and it was just the two of us in the hallway. I jokingly leapt to one side of the hall to indicate I was trying to stay as far from her as I could. Seems like she laughed (but probably rolled her eyes after I had passed by).

Another memory I have was just before I headed off to college. Utah State was still on quarters my first year and so began quite a while after BYU and Utah. Since I was still in town, I would go to the high school football games and since most of my friends were gone, I would sit in the student section and would sometimes really get into the games. I remember Brad and Jeanell being at a game and looking over at me and calling me a Super Senior (which I deserved).

I went away to college for the year, then came home and left on my mission. Jeanell did attend my farewell, but I don't remember seeing her or knowing she was there. We definitely didn't speak.

While I was on my mission, we had a friend newsletter that our friend Ashley Sandberg put together. That's where I learned that Jeanell was going to have twins. I remember my mom sometimes randomly mentioning Jeanell in her letters to me, about how she danced in the Old Folks Sociable program mere days after giving birth to those twins, and about how much my brother Scott enjoyed working with her at the store (Jeanell has told me the story of her working in guest services one night and a customer coming over and wanting to speak to the manager so Jeanell paged Scott, who would have been eighteen at the time, who was night managing. Scott is not who the customer was expecting).

When I returned home in early July of 1998, my friends who were around were preparing for the annual 24th of July Program that we would put on. I had already been slotted in to participate and it was at one of those practices that I spoke to Jeanell for the first time in over four years (I don't count her calling me a Super Senior as really speaking). I told her about my discovery the night before I came home from Mexico about how Cam's wife had Dear Johned an Elder from my mission (as I have covered elsewhere). It was a five-minute conversation and we wouldn't really speak again for another year.

During spring break of 1999, my buddy Aaron and I were out in Grantsville and went to visit our friend Andrea Elorriaga. Andrea was working at Soelberg's at the time and during our visit, she happened to mention that Brad and Jeanell had separated and were likely going to get divorced. I think I managed to say, "That's too bad," but that is definitely not what I felt. I had a feeling of hope and excitement that I quite honestly felt guilty about.

I don’t know if the Sociable was before or after this conversation, but we did run into each other at the Sociable. Jeanell had provided our Prom picture for one of the displays and we spoke briefly about that.

Later that spring, I was invited to join the Ivy Garden's production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat directed by Matt Price. I hadn't auditioned to be in the show but my buddy George was doing it and Josh Fawson had become too busy so I was recruited to fill in for Josh (Let it be known that I am nowhere near the actor and singer that Josh is). Brad's younger siblings, Dustin and Rachel, were also in the production and Brad and Jeanell (who were back together and trying to work things out) came to one of the shows with their son Devin. I don't think we really spoke that night either, though it did seem like I helped to serve dinner to their table. Less than a year later, we would be married.

I need to backup a bit and disclose that I had been dating a girl named Kellie Winward that spring. She was my neighbor at the Pineview Apartments in Logan and we had dated most of the first half of 1999. She had come out and gone to the Old Folks' Sociable with me and I had stayed at her family's home in Preston. At some point over the summer, our relationship seemed off or my feelings had cooled somewhat and we decided we wouldn't see each other anymore that summer and then when we got back to Logan we would decide where things were going.

As it happened, sometime over that summer, a group of our high school friends got together for a dutch oven up South Willow canyon. I remember I rode up with my friend John. Jeanell was there as well. She and Brad had split up again and she had rode up with our friend Ashley. That night, we talked a bit for the first time in over five years and I was probably a bit flirtatious. Jeanell mentioned that she still had the video of our Prom and me, trying to discreetly setup a future meeting, said that we should get together and watch it. Jeanell didn't take the bait. "Well, sometimes I go to Logan," was here reply (her brother Cam was attending USU and he and Natalie were living up there). I was hoping for something sooner than that.

The get-together ended and we went our separate ways, but I started to try to find ways to inadvertently bump into Jeanell. I heard that she and Ashley and others sometimes went to walk on the track at the high school at night so I started to go down there. One night I was there walking hoping she would show up and finally she did. She saw me and asked if I'd seen Ashley and I replied that I had not. She said, "well if you see her, tell her I was here," and turned to leave. I took a shot. "You can walk with me if you want." I think she was a bit hesitant, but ultimately she came back to the track and we started walking. Ashley showed up a few minutes later and the three of us walked for a while.

That was the only other time we saw each other that summer though. I think at one point Jeanell called my house to let me know of something else our friends were planning, but I was out of town (for an LDSSA retreat, which for whatever reason I don’t remember at all) when she called.

On August 21, I was getting ready to move back to Logan. Classes were set to begin the following Wednesday. Sometime that morning or early afternoon, I got up my gumption and called Jeanell (I don't know if I called her parents' house or if I somehow got her number at the townhome where she was living in Tooele). I don't remember everything about that conversation, but I know I said, "I don't know exactly what your situation is, but I have to tell you that I'm crazy about you." I think she was somewhat taken aback, but she confirmed that she was getting divorced and that she would have some interest in dating and seeing where things went. She was planning to go to Lagoon that evening with some of our friends and wanted me to join, but it just wasn't going to work for me. At some point, she told me, "now don't go up there and meet someone." She later apologized and said she was out of line for saying that, but I didn't mind. I didn't plan on it.

But I guess technically I still had a girlfriend that I needed to end things with. And that happened that same night, when I got to Logan. Kellie was already there and I asked her if she wanted to go for a walk and I told her that I was sorry, but I didn't see our relationship moving forward. Look, I know that those two events probably should have happened in reverse order. But it was just how it worked out. We didn't all have cell phones and text messaging in 1999. I had already determined that things weren't going to work out with Kellie and me, but was waiting to have the conversation until we got back to Logan, as we'd already planned.

I wasn't sure when I'd see Jeanell again at that point. Her divorce papers had been filed, but hadn't yet been signed by the judge (or whatever it is that has to happen) so I was trying to be careful about that. But she surprised me and showed up at my apartment the following Thursday. We just kind of hung out I guess. She met my roommates (after she left to go back home, I still remember one of my roommates turning to me and mouthing "freaking hot!") and at one point I gave her a piggy-back ride (which Jeanell said I was awkward about...the divorce wasn't final!).

So we were seeing each other, but at least when we were back home, were still trying to be pretty discreet about it. One weekend, Jeanell had some friends over to her townhome after Grantsville played Tooele in football. We played Disney Scene-It and everyone sat cross-legged in a circle on the floor (we were young and could still sit cross-legged). Jeanell and I slyly sat down next to each other and casually allowed our knees to touch. Later, we attended our friend Shelly Larson's wedding to Kyle Matthews but still weren't public. Jeanell ended up catching the bouquet, but alas, I did not catch the garter. Of all people, it was Dave (who had also dated Jeanell) who caught it. Another memory I have is going to see Notting Hill at the Cinema 6 in Tooele and taking Ashley (who I guess was in on our secret) with us. I sat the row behind them but sneakily reached my hand between the seats and held Jeanell's hand.

With me being in Logan, our relationship consisted of a lot of driving and a lot of phone calls. I would go home to Grantsville most weekends and Jeanell would come up to visit me once most weeks. Everyone who met Jeanell loved her (some a little too much). On one occasion, we went over to visit George and Jim at their apartment and while there, I ended up helping (or trying to help) Jim with some math. Another friend of theirs showed up (coincidentally named Brad). We joked that it was Jeanell who was actually tutoring Jim and Brad says, "Hey, I want to be tutored." Yeah, slow your roll, Brad.

When I say that everyone loved Jeanell, I should qualify that everyone loved her except Kellie. One night when we were up there, Jeanell and I walked through the kitchen of our apartment to leave and Kellie happened to be there talking to my roommates. After we shut the door, Jeanell stopped and put her ear to the door and heard Kellie complaining about the fact that Jeanell hadn't introduced herself (first of all, that would be on me, not Jeanell, but whatever). When we returned, I made a point of introducing Jeanell. What now, Kellie?

Sometime in September, the divorce was final, and Jeanell and I were a bit more public about our relationship. I still remember going to the white church to play basketball one weekend and Brad showing up and that being a little awkward for me. We ended up on the same team and seemed to make a point of passing to each other ("see, we're cool").

Also in September, I first met Devin and Tyler and Brayden. I remember we were up at their townhome and playing football on the floor of the front room. So grateful for those boys, who always accepted me, loved me, and forgave me when needed.

When Jeanell first told me she loved me, I didn't immediately say it back (I know). I said something about wanting to be certain and not wanting to say it before I was sure. As I look back on it, I definitely already loved her. And I knew I loved her. I was just trying to be dramatic.

Just a few memories from that fall. I remember the first time I went to have dinner with the Jefferies family after we started dating again and Jeanell's brother Ryan saying, "Welcome back to the family." I remember Jeanell calling me and telling me the boys were sick and me driving down from Logan unannounced to help her out. I remember being at Jeanell's house and her falling down the stairs while holding Brayden (thankfully neither was seriously hurt). I remember meeting one night in Bountiful just to be together for a little bit. I remember playing Speed at my apartment in Logan. One night, we went to a pizza buffet in Logan that was $5, but I didn't have $5 so Jeanell paid (and she still reminds me of it). We went to a BYU basketball game with my family. We went and rode the Polar Express and stayed in Heber with Jeanell's family.

I remember planning a double-date with Scott and the girl he was seeing at the time to go to Lagoon and then stay at my Grandma Nalder's in Layton. I was driving down from Logan and Jeanell, Scott, and Emily were driving out from Tooele County. For various reasons, the Tooele County group was delayed and they ended up arriving at Lagoon an hour after we were supposed to meet.

(It's so weird to think of these times before everyone had a cell phone and was pretty much reachable all the time. There was pretty much nothing for me to do but wait and hope they eventually showed up. I also think about all the time we spent on the phone. It wasn't like I had my own cell phone. I had a landline that I shared with five other roommates).

One night Jeanell had come to Logan to visit me and convinced me to miss my classes the next day and go back to Grantsville with her. On our way home, her car broke down in Sardine Canyon and we had to walk to Sherwood Hills where we called by brother Scott (who was now also at Utah State). He and Ryan McBride brought me my car and Jeanell and I took that back to Grantsville. The next day, Dave, Jeanell’s brother Aaron and I drove back up to get Jeanell’s car and tow it home. I’m sure she could have handled things fine on her own, but glad I was with her when her car broke down. (I’m again curious about how I even got ahold of Scott. Sherwood Hills let us use their phone but did I have Scott’s apartment phone number memorized?)

Music was again a major part of our relationship. Some of the songs that I associate with this era of our relationship are "No Matter What" (the Boyzone cover of an Andrew Lloyd Webber song from Whistle Down the Wind, or as Tyler and Brayden called it "Attack"), "Let Me Go" by Cake, "It's Your Love" by Tim McGraw (I remember dancing with Jeanell in her kitchen to this song), and what would become "our song" for this go-'round, "Have You Ever Been in Love?" by Peter Cetera.

One of my favorite memories was going to Utah State's homecoming that fall. George was going with our friend Shelly Anderson (now Neilson). Jim and other of their friends were going as a group and they were gracious enough to let Jeanell and I go with them. I believe we went to Copper Mill in Logan to eat dinner. Two things I remember. One is me cutting the meat on my plate into probably 2" squares and Shelly looking over at my plate and saying, "Wait, are those bites?!". My other memory was Jim flipping Shelly off at some point (in more of a joking way) and Jeanell telling Shelly to tell Jim "Behind every bird is a pile of sh--". Shelly demurred on passing that message to Jim (since she and her husband have since served as mission presidents, that's probably for the best). Later that night, we went to the A on Old Main Hill and kissed to become True Aggies.

I don't want to paint the picture that everything was perfect. There were mistakes and misunderstandings, fights and temporary break-ups. My parents and grandparents were concerned about me marrying someone with kids. (Incidentally, I don't ever remember being concerned about that. Maybe it was because we had dated before and already had a history, but becoming an immediate second dad to the boys was never a concern that I had). Jeanell understandably sometimes felt that she needed to date a few other people before she committed to me. One weekend we had a fight and Jeanell ended up going on a blind date. I was pretty upset when I learned she had gone and left her a note to call me when she got home, no matter how late. She didn't call (again, she couldn't just call me, she would have had to call my parents' home phone which she wasn't going to do). But she did call the next day and told me that that date had made her realize definitively that she loved me and that I was who she wanted to be with.

Thankfully, twenty-five years later, that's still true.

Hanging out at my mom and dad's house

Ready for Homecoming at USU

Homecoming

Leaving for dinner

True Aggies!

Halloween 1999 with Devin, Tyler, Brayden, Brent, and McKell

Halloween 1999

After a dance recital where Jeanell was teaching

Polar Express

 

Running

Kareena (my son Devin's wife) asked me last night what I was going to blog about today, and I truthfully responded that I had no idea. I have several draft posts that only have a title and usually will look them over and pick one that I feel inspired to right about. But this morning, the following Facebook memory popped up for me:

With that prompt, I decided to write about something that has become quite a big part of my life for the past fourteen or so years (I'm finding it difficult to remember exactly when I started running consistently, but my best guess is that it was 2010).

As I've written about in this space, I was always somewhat athletic growing up, but I was also a very big eater. When I was young, my activity level and metabolism allowed me to basically eat what I wanted without ever becoming overly heavy, but as I got older and my activity level decreased and my metabolism slowed, that ceased being the case.

I would go through spurts where I'd try to go to the gym consistently, but despite my varying efforts, I would say I was overweight from about 2004 to 2010.

One memory I have of an attempt to lose weight during that time was when I was traveling to Dallas every week. The apartment where I lived in Dallas had a fitness center and I would go and run on the treadmill every morning. Every morning I would go, there would be another guy there, who as I recall was a trainer for someone else, and if I had gotten there first he would always ask if he could turn the TV to JAG, which was on USA or something at that time. For whatever reason, I always found that funny. This guy really like his JAG.

Another memory for that time period, was reading about "the Shangri-La Diet" in the second Freakonomics book or something and deciding to give it a try. I bought a book on it and it was based on tricking your metabolism to think that you were not eating anything with flavor by swallowing a tablespoon of canola oil 2-3 times per day. Supposedly if the body thought there was no flavor, it would take that to mean there was a scarcity of food and that would curb your appetite or something. It didn't work for me.

(I'm now pretty skeptical of all diets other than consuming fewer calories than you burn. Obviously, there are different ways to achieve that, but at the end of the day, that has to happen if you're going to lose weight).

Sometime in 2010, I saw my brother-in-law, Cam, and noticed that he had lost a significant amount of weight. When I asked what he had been doing, he told me he had been running. I decided to give it a go.

I had never really done any kind of distance running. When I played football in high school, one of the years we ran from the dam above Grantsville down to the high school for a fundraiser (we would solicit donations per mile). But as I recall, those of us who didn't stash bikes along the route and ride them for a significant distance, simply walked the route, or at least mostly walked it.

When I was a freshman and had opted not to play football, I briefly considered running cross-country. I even remember George and I going for a run with Peter Chatwin, who I believe did run cross-country, to see what it was about. That one run was enough for both of us. We opted against running cross-country.

I don't remember exactly how I got started, but it seems like at Cam's recommendation, the first week I ran a mile each day, then on Saturday I ran two miles, then the next week I ran two miles every day, and the then three miles on Saturday. I don't recall how long I did that, but eventually I found some training plans for a 5K, 10K, Half Marathon, and Marathon on a site called coolrunning.com (now gone) and started following those.

I remember the first time I ran nine miles I gave Cam a call (he served as a running mentor for me in those early days) and told him I felt like I never wanted to run that distance ever again. He told me I would recover, and that the desire to run would come back. He was right, and running has been an integral part of my life ever since.

I ran my first marathon (Ogden) in 2012 (I had actually done a marathon training plan and run the full marathon distance in 2011, on a treadmill (yes, I am insane), but the Ogden was my first "real" marathon). Jeanell had joined me in this new hobby and she also ran that Ogden Marathon (I don't know that running was high on the list of things that Jeanell really wanted to do, but she adopted it so that it was something we could do together. She's always been my biggest supporter when it comes to running. I've always appreciated that).

Since taking up running, we have each participated in five Ragnars (two-day relay races). I have run eight half marathons and eight full marathons, most recently St. George in 2022. Jeanell has run eight half marathons and four full marathons, most recently Morgan in 2019.

But beyond that, running has just become what I do in a way I never thought it would. While I'm not as motivated to sign up for races recently, I still run five days a week, 48 weeks a year (I typically have four rest weeks throughout the year) and I still follow those training plans I pulled off of coolrunning.com years ago. I recently finished a half marathon training plan and have now started a 10K training plan to finish out the year.

In the early days, I ran a lot on the treadmill at the Fitness Quarter gym in Brigham City. I would go there during my lunch hour and run however many miles the plan called for that day (running instead of eating lunch seemed to accelerate the weight-loss process). Nowadays I prefer to run outside, but am somewhat of a baby about the weather. I don't like running outside when it's too cold, or too rainy, or too windy. When that happens, I'll still fall back to the treadmill (now at Anytime Fitness in Grantsville).

But when the temperature is just right, and there's minimal wind, and the sun is just coming up, there's just something about a run that is good for the soul. As I run the streets of Grantsville, I try to make a point to wave at every car that I pass. I guess partly I do that to be friendly, partly to think about something other than each step, and partly to try to engage with the drivers to make sure they see me. I try to give each car its own wave as well, so even if one car is following pretty closely behind another, I will briefly take my hand down and then bring it back up so that it's a separate wave. My wave is also more of a peace sign, with my index and middle fingers raised, which my brother Brent told me is the equivalent of flipping the bird in Great Britain. Hopefully I don't pass too many British drivers. (Editor's note: Brent corrected me that raising two fingers is only a British insult if the hand is faced outward. The peace sign is fine).

I remember some of the runners I would see running around town when I was young, like Roger Cowan, Bart Hamatake, Garry Bolinder, and Brad Sutton. It feels great to be carrying on that tradition.

I'm sure this has been incredibly boring, but I wanted to share some of the stats over the past years and the routes I run in Grantsville. I basically have a route for every distance and if my training plan calls for that distance, that is the route I run. So if you see me out running, depending on where you see me and what direction I'm headed at the time, you might be able to guess how far I'm running that day (for example, if you see me headed east on Nygreen, I'm either running four or five miles. I told Tony Clark that if I was running past his house, I was running eight miles, but then realized I could also be running only six, so I had to let him know).

But first the stats (which I've tracked using the RunKeeper app, but especially in the early days, I didn't track all of my runs).

I tracked my first run on July 25, 2011. Since then, I have tracked 2,864 runs, that have taken a total of 91 days to run (that didn't seem like a lot to me, but I did the math, and that comes out to an average of 45 minutes per run) and covered a total of 14,913 miles. My high mileage year (at least that I tracked) was 2019 with 1,675 miles. So far this year, I have run 906 miles. (I believe I should surpass 1,000 miles this year, which would also take me over 15,000 total miles).

My Grantsville routes:

(Once I get beyond 15 miles, I usually do out-and-backs, either west on 138, south on the Mormon Trail, or east on 138 and Erda Way).

I might eventually wear out my knees and hips, but for now, I love being able to slip on my favorite running shoes (Nike Air Zoom Pegasus, extra wide), and head out on the road for another run. I'll see you around town. Please don't hit me.

2023 Ray Barrus 5K with my brothers Brent and Scott. Brent won that year (of us three). I finished last.

Big Cottonwood, 2015

St George Marathon, 2014

Salt Lake Half, 2014

Wasatch Back Ragnar, 2013

Vegas Ragnar, 2011

Lila

Lila’s birthday isn’t for another couple of months, but I’ve been thinking about her over the past few days and decided to write about our little girl who almost wasn’t.

In early 2008, Jeanell had scheduled an oblation to help with some issues she had been dealing with. Since pregnancy would be dangerous following this procedure, I would also need to get a vasectomy. Since this would mean our family was complete with our four boys, Jeanell and I had discussed and decided we were ok with that.

But life had other plans. While attending a pre-op appointment for the oblation procedure, she mentioned to her doctor that she had “missed.” Testing was done and Jeanell’s suspicions were confirmed. She was pregnant.

(Jeanell believes she knows the night that this happened. I guess since I was still traveling most weeks at the time, it was easier to narrow down. We had gone over to Logan for some reason and while there stopped at Hastings. I bought her the complete box set of Friends on DVD. Apparently this spontaneous gift set the mood for fireworks later on).

Fast-forward to December of that year. Lila was due December 29. Jeanell had never naturally gone into labor (Devin was five days late and Jeanell was started when her blood pressure went up, with Tyler and Brayden she was started three weeks early, and with Caleb she was started two weeks early) so we thought that the same would happen with this pregnancy, that there would be no frantic trip to the hospital.

But the night of December 21, we were watching Mamma Mia together as a family and Jeanell started to experience contractions. It was snowing and the roads weren’t great, but we gathered some things and made the drive from Elwood to Logan, arriving shortly before midnight.

We got checked in and settled and about seven hours later, our little girl was born. I know I wasn’t a great husband that night because at some point I laid down in a bay window the room had and fell asleep. I was awake for the birth though. The doctor didn’t end up arriving until after Lila made her entrance.

We still had a couple of names in mind and hadn’t finalized when she was born, but we had known for some time that her middle name would be Rachel (after Jeanell’s sister, who had given birth to her first daughter, Emma Jeanell, a couple of months prior). Paige and Lila were the final two names we were considering (I had also suggested Mia earlier in the process). We said both of these names followed by Rachel and decided that Lila Rachel flowed better. So it was settled her name would be Lila. (Grandma Mouritsen gave Lila a book at her birth and inside the cover it says “Probably Paige”).

Since she was born, Lila has brought a happiness and enthusiasm into our life that is contagious. She fell in love with music early on and would sing songs from Mary Poppins or The Sound of Music at the top of her lungs while dancing in our Elwood kitchen. When she was young, we drove a fair amount around the state to attend her brothers’ athletic events and she loved to sing along with whatever music happened to be playing (“Something Stupid” by Michael Buble (she now prefers the Sinatra version)  and “Thank You for the Music” by ABBA are two that I remember).

I always loved her enthusiasm just for random things. One day when she was maybe three we were having lunch and when I set her up at the island she said she wanted to sit on the left.

“I love left!” she exclaimed.

“Why do you love left?” I asked.

“Because it’s my favorite way!”

One day we walked to church together and I wrote about that experience which again just showed her love of life and her curiosity.

I wasn’t always a model father (as has probably already been established). One day on my watch, I had her in her high chair and I was doing something on the computer with my back to her. She climbed out of the high chair and fell to the floor. But I picked her up almost right after she hit the floor.

Another time I took her with me to Logan and while there decided to purchase a TV. I don’t remember the exact details but I couldn’t fit the TV in our van with her seat buckled in where it normally would be so I put her in her seat but it was just kind of balancing next to me and I held onto it while I drove us back home to Elwood.

Since Jeanell and I both worked when Lila was young, she had a few different babysitters while we lived in Elwood, all of whom adored her. Her first babysitter was Judy Okada, who also had watched Caleb for us some. She eventually had to stop watching Lila to take care of her mom and I still remember how sad she was to not be able to watch Lila anymore.

We moved to Grantsville just before Lila turned five. This meant she got to attend Karma’s Kiddie Corner for preschool with her “dubbin” Emma. They also were in Aunt Meghan’s kindergarten class, Aunt Jean’s second grade class, and Kelly Painter’s third grade class together. (They were in different first grade classes. Lila had Joan Painter, who she loved and who has supported Lila in the years since).

While attending Willow Elementary, she had a special relationship with Lenna Lambert, who was the school’s librarian. After school, she would go and visit Lenna in the library until I could get there to pick her up. (We saw Lenna at the temple open house a week ago and Lila was able to give her a big hug. It had been a while since they had seen each other).

Before our new home in Grantsville was complete, I would go to my mom and dad’s house to work. Lila would ride the bus home to the house on Eastmoor and spend the rest of the day there.

While still in elementary school, she received a ukulele as a gift and fell in love with it. She taught herself to play and the chords. She would perform at various opportunities and eventually even wrote her own songs.

She started piano at a young age, first taking lessons from her Aunt Shannon, and then taking from Jenean Christensen, who she has taken from for several years now. I love being down in my office which is just below the piano room and hearing her play one of Billy Joel’s songs or something from a play we’ve seen recently.

We’ve always said that Lila is an “old soul” because she has a love and appreciation for things well before her time (her Grandma Jefferies says that if Lila had been her age, they would have been the best of friends). Her favorite artist is Billy Joel (I am also a fan and hope I played some small part in her fandom, but while I am mostly a “greatest hits” kind of fan, Lila knows the deep cuts). She also has an appreciation for The Beatles, The Four Seasons, Frank Sinatra, Carol King, and Queen.

One of the things Lila and I liked to do together was to go on drives, taking turns choosing songs to play and sing along to.

In addition to music, Lila has also developed an appreciation for The Simpsons from me (this has at times led to her getting in trouble as she did one day when we took her out of school early and as she left the class, called out “So long, suckers!” (a line from The Simpsons that I frequently quote). Her teacher found it less funny than I did).

We’ve also watched several of my “nostalgia” movies together. Dumb and Dumber, Liar, Liar, The Truman Show, Mrs. Doubtfire, Back to the Future, Pee Wee Herman’s Big Adventure, Wayne’s World, and others.

Lila has always been insanely talented musically. In addition to the piano and ukelele, she learned to play the bass to audition for a play (she sadly didn’t get the part). When she got into the high school, the orchestra conductor (Mr. Kim) needed clarinet players so she learned the clarinet. Later, he needed an oboe player so she started learning that. (At the last parent-teacher conference I had with Mr. Kim, he said that she still had a ways to go, but that her progress was amazing for the few short months she’d been learning).

Lila shares her parents’ love of musical theatre. Years ago, we took her to a performance of Little Shop of Horrors that was playing in downtown Salt Lake City that River Robinson (a talented actress from Grantsville) was performing in. Lila has been hooked ever since.

She’s been to New York four times with Jeanell and I and seen many plays there, but one of my favorite things is that she loves to go and see community theatre performances around the state. I’m sure I’ll forget some, but together we’ve seen Little Women and The Drowsy Chaperone at the Murray Amphitheater, Guys and Dolls and Into the Woods by Lehi Arts, The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee by Sandy Arts, Evita at the Empress Theater in Magna, and Legally Blond at the West Valley Performing Arts Center. She loves to support local theatre and always gives a standing ovation.

Lila also loves to perform and has from a young age. She and Emma played the twin girls in The King and I at The Old Church. Lila has been in various other productions there as well.

When she reached junior high age, Lila decided to go to Excelsior Academy where she had the opportunity to be taught by the amazing Matt Price (Jeanell and I went to school with Matt and he has become a dear friend and mentor to Lila. Jeanell said to me on one occasion, “when we were going to school with Matt, did you ever imagine he’d become besties with our daughter?” I must say that no, I did not imagine that scenario). In addition to a revue her sixth grade year, she did four shows under Matt’s direction, Curtains (Chris Belling), Rock of Ages (Lonnie), Matilda (Miss Trunchbull), and Freaky Friday (the mom). She was also able to help music direct on some of those shows. She learned so much and put so much effort and energy into those shows.

In the last couple of years, she provided accompaniment for The Secret Garden at The Old Church and for Diary of a Wimpy Kid at Excelsior (Diary of a Wimpy Kid was brand new and there were not yet tracks available for it so Lila helped out by learning the score and accompanying the shows). She was also the Assistant Music Director for this past summer's Tooele Valley Theatre production of Into the Woods.

As she went into high school, she auditioned for and was accepted to the Centerpoint Academy at the Centerpoint Theatre in Centerville. She has had a wonderful time learning and developing her talents there over the past couple of years. They did a wonderful production of Big Fish last spring that I saw four or five times and loved each time.

Lila is such a bright spot in my life and I’m so grateful she is a part of it. She and I are kindred spirits and I love being able to enjoy so many wonderful things in life with her. I love you Lila.

My little girl and I

Shaving our heads in solidarity with Grandpa Mouritsen

New York, New York

You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown at Centerpoint