Driving

I am not now, nor really ever have been, a good driver. I don't know that I'm an "you're afraid for your life the whole time I'm driving" bad driver, but more likely than not, if you are riding with me while I'm driving, I will do something that you will question. Both Jeanell and I are usually more comfortable if she is driving.

This has always been the case. My first experiences driving came on the sheep ranch where I worked from the time I was 12 until I left on my mission (and a little bit after I returned). That first summer I worked there (1989), we were feeding the sheep one day, and I guess they figured I wasn't going to be much help in the back of the truck throwing the hay so my boss (Sunnie Titmus) had me get behind the wheel, gave me a few instructions on driving stick, and had me drive the feed truck around. Driving did not come naturally to me. By the end of that day (or even that morning), a gate had been destroyed, and more tragically, a baby lamb had been run over. I don't remember which incident occurred first (I think it was the gate), but looking back, it's a little funny that there even was a second incident after the first incident (though I am grateful for the 2nd chance). I guess maybe even more comical is that after that inauspicious beginning, I was employed for another seven years.

A few years later, my buddy John Larsen (who had begun working on the ranch with me) and I were doing something with one of the big tractors, and near the back of the machine shed. Sunnie had specifically told us to be careful not to hit the back of the shed. Probably within the hour, I turned too sharply and caught the corner of the shed, damaging it pretty good. After that, I pretty much deferred operation of heavy equipment to John and I would focus on manual labor. (I should note that Sunnie was always very patient with me and I appreciate that. I don't remember him ever yelling at me and only one time where he was visibly angry, which I'll get into in a future post).

By the time Driver's Ed rolled around a few years later, I had been driving at least some on the ranch and should have been pretty comfortable, but I was not. Wayco Cowan, whose birthday is the day before mine, was my driving partner and I remember him going to school after one of our driving sessions, and telling people about our misadventures.

One instance I recall came early one morning and I was driving back to Grantsville from Tooele. A fairly large box appeared in the lane in front of me and I just ran over it, making no attempt to avoid it. After hitting the box, I looked over at Mr. Mohler sitting in the passenger seat, and laughed nervously. I think it was my nervous laugh that really cracked Wayco up.

Another time we were practicing freeway driving out west of Grantsville, and Mr. Mohler had me take the exit to get off the freeway. I hadn't really driven on the freeway before and didn't really slow down after taking the exit and was still going pretty fast toward the stop sign at the bottom of the exit when Mr. Mohler pushed the brake from his side. I remember Wayco telling people I was ready to just speed right through and get right back on the freeway.

I don't know how I passed the driving test. I remember being pretty frazzled and just ready to be done and consequently speeding on my way back to the school (losing more points). Mr. Mohler added up my points and said I got an 82 (I think you needed an 80 to pass). Pretty sure he just didn't want to have to drive with me anymore.

Fortunately, I haven't been in too many accidents through the years. I've just done dumb things that I was lucky didn't result in an accident. I pulled out in front of a bus, then realized it was pretty close, and tried to back up, but the car behind me had pulled behind me when I started to go so I couldn't back up. The bus swerved into the other lane around me. I mistakenly tried to turn left on a road with a big cement median so I was headed into oncoming traffic. The driver coming toward me stopped short of the start of the median so I could get over and into the right lane.

When we lived in Ogden, I was late leaving for work and left before the windshield had defrosted (we had a garage in Ogden, but our cars didn't fit in the garage, it was too short). I again, got going in the wrong lane, but somehow managed to get over into a parking lot and having suffered a pretty significant scare, wisely waited for the windshield to completely defrost.

I've slid off the road multiple times. Another time I recall in Ogden, I slid coming off the exit in a way that blocked the exit, which gave people no choice but to help get me unstuck and back on the road. I slid into the median on I-80 going back to Ogden from Grantsville one night. The slide resulted in a flat tire and by the time we got it changed we decided to just go back to Grantsville. We finally made it back to Dave and Carol's about one in the morning. I slid off of Rocket Road in Tremonton, but spun right into a driveway without hitting anything. After taking a deep breath I was able to continue on my way.

One year when we lived in Elwood, I traded in our Dodge Durango and bought a Chevy Impala. Jeanell hated that car. Fortunately for her, I slid off the road, down a steep embankment and through a fence not too long after purchasing the car. It was totaled and we were able to purchase an Infiniti G35, which we both liked, but not long afterward, I hit a cinderblock that was on I-80, which caused significant damage.

Another time when we lived in Elwood, I intended to turn onto the frontage road, but mistakenly turned onto the freeway EXIT. Fortunately, I realized my mistake and turned around before I encountered any other vehicles.

My luck with cars isn't limited to driving them. When we lived in Ogden, I was taking our Mustang through the car wash, but didn't feel I was centered correctly. I saw there was a bar, but I only saw it on one side so I thought I'd wait until the bar went to the other side of the car and then I'd open by door to see if I was lined up. I did just that, but it was then that I learned there were bars on both sides and the bar on the driver side hit the open door and bent it forward. Fortunately it stopped and I was able to get the door closed more or less and drove off. I'm pretty sure it put the car wash out of commission so the people in line behind me probably weren't too happy.

When in Elwood, I was trying the start the Oldsmobile Alero that Carl and Rachel had generously given us, but the key would not turn. I texted Carl and asked him if there was any trick to it, but Carl couldn't think that there was. Finally I opened the owner's manual, which had this helpful sentence. "If the key won't turn, you may be using the wrong key." I looked down at the key and realized I had been trying to start the Alero with the key to our other car.

Another time I tried to clean off my windshield by pulling down on the wiper handle but no fluid came out. I went and bought some wiper fluid and opened the hood to fill it only to find that it was already full. I got back in the car and realized I needed to pull back rather than down to activate the mist.

Finally, after we moved to Grantsville, before our home was built, I would go down to my parents' house to work. One day, I must have been in a hurry. At the end of the day, as I was getting ready to go home, I couldn't find my keys. I finally went out to see if I had left them in the car, only to find that the car was still running from when I had arrived, eight hours before.

I'm probably fortunate to still be alive and am grateful that I haven't been involved in more accidents, but yeah, driving is not really my thing.

(I don't have a lot of "car" pictures so these pictures were taken when we purchased two of our vehicles).

We bought this green Ford Expedition at Sherm's Store in Ogden in 2001. What an outfit!

 Our most recent vehicle purchase. Don't worry, I try not to drive it very often.

Devin

Devin was born just a few days before I graduated high school in 1995. While I'm sure I saw him a few times over the following years, I didn't meet him until four years later, in 1999, when I began dating his mom. My first distinct memory seeing him and being in the same place as him was a few months before that when he attended a performance of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat that I was in with his aunt and uncle on his dad's side. Within a year, I would become his bonus dad.

Devin has always been a performer (or at least he was in his younger years. These days, his performances are mainly limited to karaoke night). He performed "Side by Side" with my sister McKell at our wedding. He also performed not once, but twice in the Grantsville Sociable, once with his Grandma Jefferies as Louis singing I Whistle a Happy Tune and once with his Mouritsen family as Winthrop singing The Wells Fargo wagon. I believe he probably took part in another couple of programs in later years, but those are two that stand out.

I wasn't always great in my adjustment to being a dad. One of my early memories is Devin rubbing my arm or something and it bothering me and me telling him to knock it off. His response floored me and has stuck with me ever since, "But Richard (what he still called me at the time), sometimes that's what little sons do."

A few years later, I believe when we were living in Ogden, Devin asked me for some orange juice. I don't remember if it was late or what the reason was, but I didn't want him to have orange juice and told him no. So he appealed to his mom and Jeanell asked me to get him some orange juice. Annoyed at him for going over my head, I poured the orange juice, set the glass in front of him and said "Here's your f***in' orange juice." (I regret to say that I did not censor myself in that moment. Not my finest hour).

Another time, when Devin was a teenager, he grabbed a baked potato out of the fridge and started eating it like an apple. For reasons I still don't understand, this upset me, and I told him to put it on a plate and eat it like a normal person. I wasn't always the best dad.

One thing that Devin and I have always had in common is that we are both big eaters (we had a neighbor in Elwood who knew that Jeanell had been married to someone else, but thought Devin (the oldest) was mine, Tyler and Brayden (the next oldest) were with her other husband, and that Caleb (the youngest son) was mine. We're a little wild, but not that wild). When Devin was a kid, if he got full, he would get a plate of salad because he felt that made him hungry again.

Devin was always a great athlete. Especially when he was younger, he was bigger and faster than the other kids his age and he rarely missed a shot in basketball. I coached him as a first grader in Junior Jazz. We didn't keep score officially, but we won every game. One game, Devin had already made several baskets and there was a kid on our team who hadn't made a basket all year so I suggested to Devin that he help this kid get a basket. Devin went out and got rebound after rebound and then would pass to this kid to take a shot. It took several attempts but the kid finally made one and was so happy.

I coached Devin in basketball and soccer throughout the years and we had a lot of great times (made the championship game a couple of times in basketball, but could never finish it out). Devin also had success in baseball and football. When he got into high school, he focused more on tennis and golf and did well in both of those.

Within our family, we have the term "Devin jokes" for what I would describe as low-stakes deceptions that there would be no reason not to believe and that would have no impact if the lie were true. As an example:

Devin: Dad, it's cloudy outside.

Me: [Looks out the window to see there isn't a cloud in the sky.]

Devin: Gotcha.

Devin has always had a special relationship with his mom. He calls his mom several times a week and they talk at length. He always wants to get her input and approval. I love that they have the relationship that they do.

Devin has always been more spontaneous and more willing to take risks than I ever have been. I basically had two jobs before I graduated college. I worked for Sunnie Titmus on the ranch throughout middle and high school and then after my mission, I worked a couple of summers for Broken Arrow out at Clive. Devin was always trying something new, hoping it would be better for him. He of course worked at Soelberg's, but also at the Walmart DC. He delivered bread for Franz. He sold cars. He worked for Carter Jackson at a paint store. He was always willing to try something new where I typically liked to get comfortable somewhere and stay there.

One activity that we have shared multiple times over the years is moving. Devin of course helped us out when we were moving from Elwood down to Grantsville and I have helped him move multiple times. One move in particular stands out where he needed it to happen on a certain day and it wasn't a day that worked for many. I ended up taking the day off of work and just the two of us did most of it. The moves kind of blend together, but I believe that one he was moving into a fourth floor apartment. Lots of trips up and down those stairs.

Devin has been a terrific son. He has always accepted me and forgiven me for my shortcomings. He has always worked hard and done well in school. He graduated from the U in accounting and then earned his master's from SUU. He married his beautiful wife Kareena in 2020 and they are building a wonderful life together. I'm so proud of him and grateful to call him my son.

Mom

My mom grew up as a tomboy in an era when opportunities for girls to participate in athletics were still few and far between. She is the second oldest of eight children (Seven girls, one boy) and grew up in a house with one bathroom. She was always fast and in her childhood says she was even faster than the boys. (Even when she was an adult I have a memory of her winning her age group back when they would have foot races on the 4th of July).

I remember her telling me about getting in a fight as a child against a much larger boy. The other kids formed a circle around them and they were in the middle to fight. She immediately punched the boy right in the nose and that was the end of the fight.

I would guess my mom's competitiveness comes through her dad. My Grandpa Nalder played college football for the U (where he played defensive tackle at 5'8", 175 lbs and his nickname was Killer Nalder). Ping-pong is the sport I remember competing with my mom the most in and if you were going to win, you were going to have to earn it. In the basement where the ping-pong table was, there was a spot where the ceiling dropped a little lower and that edge was covered with little divots from people slamming their paddles. I guess my mom passed on some of that competitiveness. (My dad always said we got our smarts and our athleticism from my mom. I guess we got our sense of humor from my dad, some more than others).

Another example of my mom's competitiveness was her sliding into second while playing co-ed softball when she was eight months pregnant with my brother Alan. (Perhaps not so coincidentally, Alan is probably the most competitive of my siblings).

I'm not sure which of my brothers was playing at the time, but there was a particular baseball game where some calls weren't going our way and my mom was letting the ump hear about it. (I don't condone this behavior). The ump became fed up and yelled at my mom, asking her if she thought she could do better. Now I've seen that interaction happen before with other umps and other vocal parents, and usually the parent maybe grumbles a few more words under their breath but ultimately backs down. But that's not what happened with my mom. "Yeah, I do!" she replied and she came down and started umpiring the game. The first batter after my mom took the field, there were runners on first and second and the batter popped it up in the infield. Without hesitation, she called the batter out and said that the runners could advance at their own risk. Her first play, she had to call an "infield fly rule," and she nailed it.

On one occasion as an adult, I had yelled at (and chased after) a neighborhood kid after my boys kept coming home crying after run-ins with him. Shortly thereafter, I received a note on my porch from the boys' mother criticizing my actions and basically calling me a jerk (which was probably fair). I was incensed. This lady's kid caused all kinds of problems in the neighborhood and she was blaming me. My instinct was to double down and reply with a nasty note, and point out all this woman's flaws as a mother. But I called my mom. She wisely counseled me that criticizing her as a mother was a fight I wouldn't win and suggested that instead of replying with an angry letter, that I call her and calmly try to come to an understanding. I didn't want to do that. But I did. And we did come to an understanding and a friendship was preserved.

My mom has dealt with some adversity in her life. She came from a family of eight and my dad from a family of ten and neither of my grandmothers ever suffered a miscarriage. (My mom would always tell men she dated that she wanted ten kids, which usually scared them off, until she told that to my dad and he responded, "I was hoping for twelve." (They settled for seven)). But after my mom and dad were married in 1973, she suffered two miscarriages before I was born (three years later in 1976). She would talk about how hard those first few Mother's Day were for her.

When I was seven or eight, my mom lost the tip of her middle finger in an accident with a lawnmower. She's always had a good sense of humor about it and laughed good-naturedly at my dad's jokes about getting a discount on a manicure or being able to count in fractions.

When I was 14 or 15, my dad made some mistakes and got into some legal trouble. The case worked its way through the legal system and a couple of years later, just before I turned 17, my dad was sentenced to a year in federal prison. My mom hadn't known anything about the illegal activity and as I look back on it now, could have easily decided this wasn't her problem and parted ways with my dad. I don't think that thought ever entered her mind. She stood by him through everything. And then my dad went to prison and she was left alone with seven children, from age 17 down to 2. I think about how much of a collaboration it is between Jeanell and I just to get our lone remaining school-aged child where she needs to be and can't imagine how my mom managed that, let alone the financial and other considerations. She did have support and help from friends and family. People from the community we didn't even know well stepped in a paid some of my brothers' sports fees.

But my mom shouldered the bulk of that burden, and did so admirably.

She would take us on trips to visit my dad (he was at Nellis Air Force Base, near Las Vegas) and would drive us all down in our big blue van (the Komfort Koach). That van had a peaked roof and on one of these trips (taken on New Year's Eve 1993) we inadvertently pulled into the underground parking at Circus Circus and the top of the van was scraping on the ceiling of the parking garage. I don't remember the details but we were able to get back out and into the oversize parking. The eight of us spent the night in a single hotel room watching Seinfeld reruns and went to see my dad the following day.

I'll be forever grateful to my mom for holding our family together in a way that when my dad returned, we were able to recover some normalcy rather than letting it be something that would drastically alter the course of the remainder of our lives.

My mom was challenged again a few years ago with the unexpected death of her husband of 48 years (he passed away just two weeks after their 48th anniversary). That has been a difficult adjustment as she and my dad spent almost all of their time together. But she continues to press forward and bless the lives of her family and those around her.

My mom has always been an example of service. One of my favorite examples of this was when she and her good friend Liz Tripp took it upon themselves to help some kids in the neighborhood for whom English was a second language learn to read. Every week, these kids would come to their houses and my mom would give of her time helping them to learn to read.

As I sat down to write this, I found that I had a hard time recalling a lot of distinct memories between me and my mom. On further reflection, I think that is because she has always been a constant in my life. She's always been there, loving and supporting me, helping me to become the man I am today.

I love you Mom. Happy Mother's Day!

My all-time favorite picture of my mom

Marrying Jeanell

In five days, Jeanell and I will celebrate our 24th anniversary, which has me reflecting back on our engagement and marriage.

Some time before we got engaged, we had gone to Heber City with Jeanell's family to ride the Polar Express and stay over night. The next day, Carol (Jeanell's mom), Jeanell, and I drove back together in the big red Ford F150 (later totaled) and stopped at Sierra West Jewelers in Orem, on University Parkway. I believe Dave (Jeanell's dad) had a connection with one of the jewelers there (Bart?) and others in the Jefferies family had purchased engagement/wedding rings there. In any case, the three of us went and picked out a ring together (let's be honest, I did very little of the picking, but all of the paying).

I don't remember if it was a salesman or another customer but some guy noticed me browsing the store with my fiance-to-be and her mom and whispered "Good luck, buddy" as I walked past. Personally, I was glad to have them both there. I have a few talents I guess, but picking out a ring I would be confident Jeanell would like is not one of them.

I don't remember if it was before or after we went ring-shopping, but at some point I sat down with Dave (Jeanell's dad) and asked for Jeanell's hand. I don't remember too much about the conversation. It seems like it turned out that everyone else was gone somewhere so it was just Dave and I in the house. We talked in their front room at the old house on Deseret Circle. As he always is, Dave was very kind and made be feel at ease. The only thing I specifically remember him saying is that I didn't have to ask, but he appreciated that I did. He gave us his blessing.

A little time passed, I picked up the correctly-sized ring, and we were ready to get engaged. With Jeanell's three kids, we kind of had to plan a night out to go get engaged, so I believe she knew it was coming. We drove into Salt Lake (neither of us acknowledged as we drove in that I was going to ask her to marry me, but my memory was that we both knew it was happening) and ate dinner at the downtown Olive Garden (now gone). Afterward, we went on a carriage ride around Temple Square (also no longer a thing) and during the carriage ride is when I asked her. The driver of the carriage was chatty and so it was a few minutes before I found my opportunity. But as soon as the driver stopped talking for a minute, I got down on one knee (or at least I think I did, probably wasn't too easy to do that inside the carriage) and asked Jeanell if she would marry me. When she responded that she would, I slipped the ring onto her finger. Almost immediately, the driver turned around to talk to us, noticed the ring on Jeanell's finger, and asked if that was new. We replied that it was and he congratulated us. We returned home to tell our parents and took our first photo as an engaged couple.

I wish I could say that it was all smooth sailing after that, but our engagement was not without its hiccups. For one, we were apart for the most part other than weekends as I finished the 2nd half of my junior year at Utah State and Jeanell continued in Grantsville. It would have been toward the end of February or early March when Jeanell had arranged with a photographer to go and get our engagement pictures taken. It seems like things had been a little off between us in the days or weeks leading up to that. In any case, we drove into Salt Lake to get the pictures taken, but the photographer didn't show up. I've been trying to remember how we learned that he wasn't coming. These were the days before most people had a cell phone. Jeanell may have been using one that her parents had and maybe the photographer called us on that (but not until we'd already made the drive into Salt Lake). When the photographer canceled, I thought we should stay in Salt Lake and go to dinner or something and make a date of it. But Jeanell thought we should go back home so she could make it to the practice for a number she was part of for the Old Folks' Sociable.

This disagreement turned into a pretty big argument and it continued after we had returned to Grantsville (we didn't go to dinner). I remember going down into the room where Jeanell was staying in her parents' basement and arguing some more and at some point Jeanell saying that maybe we should call off the wedding. This was not what I wanted to hear and I remember becoming pretty upset. Jeanell wasn't suggesting that we break-up, but just that we postpone the wedding and get married a little later. Since we hadn't taken our engagement pictures, announcements hadn't gone out, but we were pretty deep into the wedding planning process. We continued talking and eventually got back on the same page and decided to move ahead with the wedding as scheduled. A week or two later, we went in for our rescheduled photo session at the International Peace Gardens and took some great photos. The initial cancellation almost seemed to be for the best because we both felt we were in a better place at the time of the rescheduled appointment than at the time of the original appointment.

We were married on May 10, 2000 in the Salt Lake Temple. I had worked for Hatch Howard for several years and he was a sealer at the Bountiful Temple and I remember wanting him to seal us, but because we were getting married in Salt Lake, that wasn't going to work out. The sealer who did seal us (Ned Winder, I believe) had also sealed Brad (Jeanell's ex-husband) and Jeanell a few years prior and I remember him being curious as to what had happened with her previous husband. This wasn't just privately to Jeanell either, but with both of us there together, he asked if her first husband had died. And when we told him that her first husband was alive and well, he said something about him wandering off into the Stansbury mountains (where Ned had apparently camped and hunted from time to time). I think we just nodded and laughed and hoped that he would drop it. A bit awkward, to say the least.

My other distinct memory for the actual marriage ceremony is that after it was over and the people who had attended were walking by to congratulate us, I accidentally kissed Jeanell's Aunt Jean right on the lips. It happened so fast, but I'm quite certain that neither of us intended a kiss on the lips. I think we both were going for the cheek and just turned opposite ways or something. Has always been a funny memory from that day.

I remember it being a cold and windy day and getting pictures around the temple being a bit challenging. Our wedding video has some footage of us trying to get the big family shot on the temple steps with Jeanell holding onto her veil as it is being blown by the wind. (It also catches me taking a not-so-subtle glance at Jeanell's chest, but we just try to pretend that it doesn't).

After pictures, we moved on to a wedding celebration at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building. I believe we each invited 100 people and had a dinner, a short program, and dancing.

The program was emceed by Matt Price and Jerry Stocks (They had a couple of good bits at my expense. The one I remember was about the fact that I had written in a journal after Jeanell and I broke up in high school "Don't ever date red-heads" so Matt disclosed the fact that I had written that and Jerry replied "Right, just marry 'em.") and consisted of me, my brothers, and Jeanell's brothers performing a dance to "My Girl" by The Temptations (the dance we performed actually originated when several of my friends performed it at my buddy Dave Fawson's sister Angie's wedding (though for whatever reason I did not participate at that time), then Dave, and two of my other friends (Aaron Allred and Ryan Keisel) used the dance for their number in the Most Preferred Man contest our junior year, and finally, we performed it at my and Jeanell's wedding). My sister McKell and son Devin sang a duet of "Side by Side". Jeanell, her sister Rachel, and mother Carol sang “Goin’ to the Chapel” and Jeanell and I sang "Story of Love." My favorite number was Jeanell's and my parents singing "I Got You Babe" after which Matt used a line my dad had given him, "There we had the mamas and the papas singing a little Sonny and Cher."

We had a live band for the dance and when it was time for that to start, the band was asking us what song we wanted them to play for our first dance. I asked them if they knew "Have You Ever Been in Love" by Peter Cetera, which we considered to be our song (at least for the second time we dated. The first time we dated it was Bryan Adams' "Please Forgive Me"), That wasn't in their repertoire so we settled for "When I Fall in Love" from "Sleepless in Seattle."

A couple of final memories from that night. My brother Scott and Jeanell's brother Aaron both spoke Spanish and at some point during the evening, Aaron couldn't see me or Jeanell and said to Scott "Donde estan Rich y Jeanell? Estan haciendo la cosa loca?" I was actually right behind them and also spoke Spanish and immediately interjected "Yo estoy aqui." Aaron turned around and started laughing.

The last memory is about Devin, who typically was always happy to go and stay with his Grandma Jefferies, but as the evening wound down and Jeanell and I were getting ready to leave on our honeymoon, Devin unexpectedly became very adamant about going with his mom and began crying (he was four). My memory is that he was still crying in Grandma's arms as we got onto the elevator to go down to the car. Made that moment a little bittersweet.

Those are the memories I have of the day I married the love of my life and the events leading up to it. So grateful for that wonderful day and the tremendous blessing marrying Jeanell has been in my life.